How to have a Stress Free Christmas (expert advice)
Managing Your Mental Well-being: The Best Gift to Yourself This Christmas
For many, the festive season can be the most stressful time of the year. Our director (CBT, ACT & EMDR therapist) Lisa Johnston has some advice for thriving this Christmas.
As the calendar days open one by one, the Christmas season can present a unique blend of joy and stress.
The idyllic scenes in movies, songs, and advertisements, with their serene, beautifully decorated homes, perfect meals, and harmonious gatherings, often set unrealistically high standards. These portrayals, starting months before December, paint a picture of Christmas that can contrast with real-life experiences. They depict a world of flawless joy and festivity, creating a standard that can feel out of reach in our day-to-day lives. This can lead to a disconnect between the idealised celebrations we see and the actual moments we live and cherish.
Much of the pressure we feel at Christmas stems from the conflict between our expectations and our reality.
Negative feelings can surface as we strive to achieve something resembling these picture-postcard scenes.
What to expect in this article
This insightful blog explores how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help you navigate the pressures of the Christmas season. It examines the conflict between our idealised expectations of a perfect holiday and the reality of our experiences. Lisa, an experienced CBT and ACT-trained therapist, offers practical tips for managing well-being. She emphasises the importance of accepting things as they are, focusing on what truly matters, and practising mindfulness to stay present. Ultimately, this blog guides you to give yourself the best gift this festive season - the gift of good mental wellbeing.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a Powerful Tool
ACT encourages us to recognise and accept our feelings about Christmas pressures rather than fighting them. It teaches us to focus on our values and what truly matters, instead of getting caught up in the pursuit of a 'perfect' Christmas often portrayed in the media. By acknowledging our expectations and accepting the reality of our situations, we can choose actions aligned with our core values, such as fostering genuine connections with loved ones, thereby finding more fulfilment and less stress during the festive season.
A Zoomed-Out Perspective for a Joyful Christmas: An ACT Approach
Our emotional responses often stem from our interpretations of events rather than the events themselves. For instance, approaching Christmas with negative thoughts like "I can't manage everything" or "I might disappoint my family" can significantly impact our emotional well-being. Instead of getting tangled up in and overwhelmed by negative thoughts, we can learn to step back and observe them as just thoughts, not realities. ACT encourages us to acknowledge these thoughts without judgment and shift our focus to actions aligned with our values. By labelling them as worry thoughts, as guesswork of the brain.
To support you in this, give yourself a moment to slow down and shift your focus to the external world - to focus on your senses, shifting out of a thought struggle and onto the beauty of nature, the festive lights, or simple family moments.
Remember, thoughts are merely guesswork of our mind; they are not definitive truths or realities.
It's not about the perfect decorations or homemade biscuits; it's about cherishing what truly matters to us.
By taking time to zoom out and gain perspective, we can break free from negative thinking and truly enjoy a Christmas that aligns with your values and brings genuine joy.
Accepting help
If you are gearing up to host this festive season, why not infuse the spirit of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) into your preparations.
ACT teaches us the art of being present and mindful, a reminder that your guests are coming ultimately for your company, not for a culinary extravaganza worthy of Master Chef.
Embrace simplicity in your cooking, choosing dishes that you know you can prepare, food that brings you comfort and joy, so you have more capacity to focus on your guests and enjoy their company rather than being lost in an overly complex and stressful culinary whirlwind.
Inviting your guests to contribute to the meal or assist in small ways doesn't just lighten your workload; it fosters a sense of participation and appreciation. The casual conversations over washing dishes or setting the table can blossom into beautiful moments of connection and bonding. These instances are perfect for practicing mindfulness, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the joy of the present moment.
Remember, hosting isn’t just about the food or the setting; it’s about creating a space filled with warmth and care for those you cherish. This festive season, let your hosting be guided by the principles of ACT: being present, valuing connection, and embracing the joy of togetherness. This approach will not only make the occasion special for your guests but also more fulfilling for you.
Acceptance, Values Clarification, Committed Action, and Self-Compassion in ACT
The following ACT strategies can help navigate the emotional complexities of the festive season, focusing on what truly matters and responding to challenges in a more balanced way.
Acceptance: Acknowledge and accept your feelings and thoughts without trying to change them. Recognise that having negative thoughts is a normal part of the human experience.
Values Clarification: Identify what truly matters to you, such as family time, thoughtfulness or kindness, and let these values guide your actions.
Committed Action: Take steps aligned with your values, even if it feels challenging. Focus on small, manageable actions that move you in the direction of your values.
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when things don't go as planned.
Take a moment to zoom out and consider what is most important (your values).
Identifying your values is a positive step in understanding what drives and fulfills you, especially in the context of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Here are a few questions that will help lead you to a deeper understanding of your values:
What Brings You Joy?
Reflect on the activities, relationships, and experiences that consistently bring you happiness and fulfilment. What is it about these elements that make you feel good?
This question helps pinpoint what truly matters in your life, shedding light on your intrinsic values.
Who Do You Admire and Why?
Think about people you deeply respect or admire. What qualities or actions of theirs do you find admirable? Often, the traits we value in others are a reflection of the values we aspire to embody ourselves.
What Would You Stand Up For No Matter What?
Consider the principles or causes that you feel so strongly about that you would defend or advocate for them, regardless of the consequences. This question helps to identify the values that are non-negotiable and deeply ingrained in your sense of self.
These questions are designed to cut through surface-level preferences and get to the heart of what drives and motivates you at a fundamental level. By exploring these, you can gain clearer insights into your core values.
Filtering Through the Idealistic and Focusing on the Priorities
In navigating the hustle of Christmas preparations, adopting a mindful and value-focused approach can greatly enhance your experience.
Begin by liberating your mind onto paper, writing down all tasks without the pressure of order.
Next, prioritise these activities based on their true significance to your and your family's Christmas enjoyment.
Reflect on each task's alignment with your genuine values of the festive season.
This method not only aids in formulating a practical plan but also ensures your actions contribute meaningfully to a delightful and relaxed Christmas.
Aligning Christmas Plans with Core Values: A Socratic Approach
To ensure our actions and plans align with our core values for a truly fulfilling Christmas consider engaging with the following Socratic questions.These queries are designed to provoke thoughtful reflection on whether your holiday activities and tasks resonate with your deepest values and contribute positively to your experience.
Value Alignment:
"How does this task align with my core values for a fulfilling Christmas?"
This question helps in discerning whether an activity is meaningful to you or just a traditional expectation.
Essentiality vs. Expectation:
"Is this activity essential for our enjoyment, or is it influenced by external expectations?"
Determine if the task is crucial for your enjoyment or if it's driven by societal norms or perceived obligations. This distinction can help prioritise activities that truly enhance your holiday experience.
Consequences of Incompletion:
"What are the consequences of not completing this task? Will it detract from our holiday experience?"
Consider the impact of not doing a task. This can help you assess if it's worth the effort or if skipping it might actually lead to a more relaxed and enjoyable holiday.
Simplification and Collaboration:
"Can this task be simplified or shared to reduce stress and increase collaboration?"
Explore ways to make the task less burdensome. Delegating, sharing responsibilities, or simplifying it can lead to a more pleasant experience for everyone involved.
Contribution to Well-being:
"How will completing this task contribute to my overall well-being and that of my family during the holidays?"
Assess the positive impacts of the task on your and your family's well-being. This question helps ensure that the tasks you undertake are conducive to a joyous and healthy festive atmosphere.
By thoughtfully considering these questions, you can create a Christmas experience that is not only enjoyable but also deeply resonant with your personal values and well-being.
If you step away from your values.
In the hustle of Christmas, it can be easy to fall back into patterns of unhelpful thinking, or engaging in behaviours you hoped not to do this Christmas. When you catch yourself in these moments, try to shift towards a mindset of awareness and curiosity. Allow yourself a brief pause; breathe deeply, meet yourself with kindness, and gently guide your thoughts back to a place where you can contemplate a more constructive approach.
Ask yourself: What mantra can anchor you during times of negative or unproductive thoughts and actions?
For this Christmas, I've chosen to embrace the motto "Lead with Love" to help me. This simple phrase serves as a reminder to approach every situation with compassion and empathy, realigning my actions with my core values.
Here are a few other value-driven mottos that might resonate with you:
"Choose Kindness": A reminder that kindness can transform any situation, fostering connection and understanding.
"Be Present, Be Peaceful": Encourages mindfulness and a calm approach to life, especially in moments of stress or chaos.
"Connect with Compassion": Motivates us to engage with others from a place of empathy and genuine interest.
"Gratitude is my Attitude": Shifts focus to appreciating what we have, fostering a positive outlook.
"Embrace Empathy": A call to step into others' shoes, understanding their perspectives and feelings.
"Spread Joy": A joyful heart can uplift not just oneself but also those around us.
"Act with Intention": Encourages deliberate, thoughtful actions aligned with personal values.
"Seek to Understand": Promotes open-mindedness and the desire to learn from each experience and interaction.
These mottos can act as gentle guides, steering us back to our core values like kindness, connection, and love.
Self-Compassion in Times of Intensity
Christmas can be an intense time, and it's crucial to practice self-compassion, a core component of ACT. If things don't go as planned, if there's a disagreement, or if you find yourself reverting to unhelpful coping strategies, remember to be gentle with yourself. An isolated incident doesn't signify a ruined Christmas. Take time to calm down and speak to yourself as you would to a good friend, acknowledging your feelings without judgment.
Embracing a Realistic Christmas for Enhanced Well-being
Pursuing an extensive Christmas 'to-do' list can diminish your enjoyment, stress levels, and overall well-being. It's vital to transition from seeking perfection to embracing realism.
Ease Perfectionism - Shift away from the 'I should' mindset. Give yourself permission to scale back and involve others in the preparations.
Embrace Imperfections - Remember, minor mishaps, like mismatched decorations or overcooked carrots, won't mar the festive spirit.
Prioritise Well-being - Your relaxed presence is more impactful than flawless Christmas presentation. The family will appreciate your calmness more than perfect decorations or an elaborate Christmas cake.
Redefining Roles and Perspectives: A Mindful Approach to Christmas
Christmas often casts us into familiar family roles, from the organiser to the entertainer, each carrying its own set of expectations and pressures.
However, this Christmas, consider the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to explore doing something differently, particularly in terms of the roles we play and our perspectives on the holiday.
Experimenting with Roles for Personal Growth
ACT encourages flexibility in behaviour and thought. If you're looking to change the typical roles you've played in the past, consider experimenting by acting contrary to what people expect, or allowing space for others to assume roles you may have outgrown. This experimentation isn't about disregarding others' expectations but about exploring personal growth and new dynamics within your relationships.
Empathy and Perspective-Taking for a Fulfilling Christmas
One key aspect of a mindful Christmas is to think about the day from the perspectives of others. This approach not only enhances the experience for everyone involved but can also alleviate the pressure of personal expectations.
Reflect on what Christmas means to you. What underlying values do you want this Christmas to embody? Keeping these values in mind, give yourself permission to deviate from past traditions and create your own. Reflect on past Christmases and consider what aspects were enjoyable. How can you replicate or enhance these elements this year?
Mindfulness and Mindful Attachment for a Joyful Christmas
Embrace mindfulness this festive season, focusing your attention on the present, free of judgment.
Mindful attention involves paying deliberate, conscious attention to your present moment experiences in a non-judgmental and accepting way. This means being fully aware of what's happening both inside you (like your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations) and around you (like your environment and interactions), without trying to change or criticise these experiences.
Mindful attachment involves conscious and mindful approach to understanding and improving one's attachment behaviours in relationships.
Pair mindful attention with mindful attachment to deepen connections with loved ones, transforming Christmas into a tranquil, joy-filled celebration.
A Short Mindful exercise for Festive Calmness
Find a quiet spot and focus on your breathing, engaging your senses. Acknowledge thoughts without judgment, and identify one thing you're grateful for this festive season. Open your eyes and appreciate the calmness you've cultivated.
The True Gift of Christmas: Happiness and Presence
Reflect on the idea that this Christmas, the greatest gift you can present is the essence of your happiest and most serene self.
Imagine how your personal well-being can positively transform the Christmas atmosphere for you and those around you.
Embrace the understanding that life's most precious gifts aren't material objects, but rather moments of joy and peace.
This festive season, give yourself the invaluable gift of well-being and mindful presence. It's a heartfelt offering not just to yourself, but to everyone who shares in your life.
Written By
Lisa Johnston
Online Therapist, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist
Director of My Therapist Online
Images used in this article all from www.pexels.com
Email - info@mytherapistonline.co.uk
Website - www.MyTherapistOnline.co.uk