Helping Your Child Process a Traumatic Experience: Gentle, Evidence-Based Strategies

As a parent or caregiver, you are already doing something incredible by seeking guidance to help your child navigate a difficult experience. It's important to remind yourself that you are not expected to have all the answers. Your willingness to learn, to listen, and to support your child with compassion is what truly matters. By being here, you’re taking an amazing first step toward helping your child process their emotions and move forward with strength and resilience.

Children are naturally resilient, but witnessing a traumatic event, whether it’s a medical emergency, an accident, or another distressing situation, can leave them feeling scared, confused, or overwhelmed.

As a parent or caregiver, you play an important role in helping them process their experience in a way that reduces fear and builds emotional strength.

It’s normal to feel unsure about how to best support your child during this time, especially when you might also be feeling worried or shaken by the event. Taking a moment to reflect on your own needs and practice self-care can make a huge difference, not just for your well-being but for your ability to create a calm and safe environment for your child. Together, you can work through the experience, one step at a time, and help them process their emotions in a way that fosters growth and healing.

It may feel tempting to avoid the topic in an effort to protect them, but research in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) shows that gently talking through the event in a structured way helps children make sense of what happened, preventing long-term emotional distress.

Why Children Sometimes ‘Shut Down’ or React Unusually to Trauma

After a distressing event, children may struggle to process or express their emotions. Instead of openly talking about it, they might:

• Shut down or avoid the topic completely.

• Laugh, joke, or act silly, even when the situation isn’t funny.

• Seem emotionally numb or withdrawn.

These reactions may feel confusing, but they are normal coping mechanisms when a child doesn’t yet know how to make sense of a difficult experience.

1. Emotional Overload: The Brain Protecting Itself

When a child is overwhelmed, their nervous system may go into “freeze mode”, making them appear quiet, numb, or detached. This is their brain’s way of pressing pause on emotions they aren’t ready to process.

👉 How to support them:

• Give them time, don’t force conversations before they’re ready.

• Use gentle prompts: “I know something big happened. If you ever feel like talking, I’m here.”

2. Laughter as a Coping Mechanism

Sometimes, children respond to fear or stress with laughter or silliness. This doesn’t mean they think the situation was funny, it’s simply their brain’s way of trying to regulate overwhelming emotions.

👉 How to support them:

• Try to stay calm and don’t dismiss their reaction. Instead, gently acknowledge it:

• “I notice you’re laughing, sometimes our brains do that when we feel confused or overwhelmed.”

• Offer reassurance that their feelings are normal and safe to talk about.

3. Avoidance: If We Don’t Talk About It, It Didn’t Happen

Some children will pretend the event never happened, hoping this will make the distress go away. However, avoiding emotions only strengthens fear over time.

👉 How to support them:

• Introduce the topic in small, safe ways: “I was thinking about what happened the other day. What do you remember about it?”

• Encourage alternative ways to express feelings, like drawing, storytelling, or play.

• Reassure them: “It’s okay to talk about it, even if it feels strange or hard.”

Reframing Your Own Thoughts: Supporting Your Child by Supporting Yourself

As a parent or caregiver, witnessing your child struggle after a traumatic event can trigger your own fears and uncertainties. It's important to acknowledge that you, too, may need a moment to process your emotions. Taking time to attend to your needs isn’t selfish, it’s an essential step in best supporting your child. When you’re feeling calmer and more grounded, you create a greater sense of safety for your child.

Start by reframing your own thoughts. For example, instead of thinking, “I don’t know if I’m handling this right,” try, “I’m doing the best I can, and showing up for my child is what matters most.”

Practice emotional regulation techniques like deep breathing or grounding exercises to steady yourself in moments of overwhelm. Self-care, whether it’s a walk, journaling, or connecting with a supportive friend, helps you recharge.

When you prioritise your well-being, you’re better equipped to support your child as they process their own emotions, showing them resilience in action.

Helping Your Child Process Trauma: Practical Strategies

Once your child is ready, gently guiding them through structured conversations and creative activities can help them make sense of what happened and move forward.

1. Help Them Tell the Story: Organising the Experience

Trauma can feel chaotic and disorienting. One of the best ways to help children process their experience is by guiding them to tell the story with a clear beginning, middle, and end.

💡 How to do this:

• Ask open-ended questions: “Can you tell me what you remember?”

• Encourage them to describe the event in order: “What happened first? Then what? And after that?”

• Fill in gaps with reassuring facts: “Yes, that was a scary moment, but then we got help, and dad was safe with the medical team.”

• Validate emotions: “It makes sense that you felt worried. That was a big moment.”

📌 Tip: If they struggle to talk about it, encourage them to draw or write it out instead. 

📌 Tip: Drawing up a timeline of events can help bullet point the main structure of the beginning, middle and end of the story, moving through the most challenging bits in smaller bite-sized pieces can feel more possible.

2. Shift the Narrative with Creative Play

Children often process emotions through play, making it a powerful tool for working through trauma. Research shows that imaginative storytelling helps reframe scary experiences, giving children a sense of control.

💡 Try these creative tools:

• Role-play with toys – Let them act out the event with dolls, action figures, or stuffed animals. Guide the story toward safety, resilience, and support.

• Draw or paint the experience – Encourage them to create two pictures:
  1️⃣ What happened.
  2️⃣ A picture of what helped them feel safe afterwards.

• Write an alternative ending – If they’re old enough, have them rewrite the story with an empowering twist, such as a superhero coming to help or finding their inner strength.

3. Gently Encourage Conversations & Reduce Avoidance

It’s common for children (and adults) to avoid thinking about a distressing event, but avoiding emotions makes them stronger. Instead, gradual exposure to the topic helps them process it safely.

💡 How to help them process emotions:

• Casually bring up the event in a safe setting: “I was thinking about that day. What do you remember about it?”

• Normalise emotions: “Lots of people feel scared when something big happens. It’s okay to feel that way.”

• Reassure them: “That was a scary moment, but look how much stronger you are now.”

  
  

If they start avoiding certain places or situations, gently support them in facing these fears in small steps.

4. Reframing Unhelpful Thoughts (CBT-Based Questions)

Children often develop negative thoughts after trauma, such as:
❌ “It was my fault.”
❌ “What if it happens again?”

Using CBT-based questions, you can help them see the situation more clearly and reduce feelings of guilt or fear.

💡 Helpful Reframing Questions:

• “What do you think was the scariest part? Why?”

• “What do we know now that we didn’t know then?”

• “What would you say to a friend who went through the same thing?”

5. Help Their Body Feel Safe Again

Trauma isn’t just emotional, it’s also physical. The body holds onto stress, which can present as stomach aches, trouble sleeping, or restlessness.

💡 Ways to calm the nervous system:

✅ Deep breathing – Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6.
✅ Grounding exercise – “Can you name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel?”
✅ Physical movement – Walking, stretching, or outdoor play helps release stress stored in the body.

When to Seek Extra Support

If your child is experiencing persistent distress, such as:
❌ Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares.
❌ Avoidance of people or places related to the event.
❌ Increased anger, withdrawal, or emotional outbursts.
❌ Panic attacks or physical symptoms of anxiety.

… it may be time to consider CBT-based therapy, where a specialist can help them process the experience in a structured, safe way.

Final Thoughts: You Are Their Safe Place

Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers, you simply need to be present, patient, and open. By showing up for your child and gently guiding them through their emotions, you’re providing them with the stability and reassurance they need to heal. Know that your care and effort are helping them rebuild their sense of safety and confidence, even in moments when the path feels uncertain.

💙 With patience, creativity, and the right support, both you and your child can navigate this journey toward healing and resilience. Take things step by step, you’re doing an amazing job.

Lisa Johnston

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist

Director My Therapist Online