How to Shift High Expectations to a Healthier Level

It's no secret that stress and anxiety have become commonplace in today's fast-paced world. Many of us are constantly striving to meet unrealistic expectations and societal pressures to be perfect. This can take a toll on our mental well-being and leave us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. But what if there was a way to ease this pressure and find a more balanced approach to life?

Being more aware of high expectations and the impact they have on us.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help you identify the impact that perfectionistic tendencies may be having on your wellbeing:

Start by becoming aware of your perfectionistic beliefs and the areas in which they manifest, and how they make you feel.

• Identify the specific thoughts and standards that drive your perfectionism.have a think about the situations or circumstances tend to trigger your perfectionistic behaviours or thoughts?

• How do you typically react when you perceive something as not meeting your high standards?

• What are some of the expectations you place on yourself in different areas of your life?

• Are these expectations realistic, or do you feel they are unattainable?

• How do you typically feel when you believe you've fallen short of your own expectations or standards?

• Do these emotions tend to be overwhelming or distressing?

One way to combat this pressure is by loosening our expectations of ourselves.

This doesn't mean giving up on our goals or settling for less than we hope to achieve. Instead, it means recognising that perfection is unattainable target and that it's okay to let go of the need for things to be perfect.

• Can you distinguish between pursuing excellence and striving for perfection?

• Do you think it's possible to achieve a balance between these two?

  
  

When we loosen our expectations, we allow ourselves to approach our goals with a sense of flexibility and openness. We let go of the urgency and rigidity that can make us feel stressed and anxious, and we focus instead on making progress in a way that feels sustainable and healthy.

This doesn't mean that we stop caring about our goals or aspirations. Instead, it means that we approach them in a way that is more realistic and compassionate. We recognise that setbacks and mistakes are a natural part of the process, and we give ourselves permission to learn and grow from them.

• Can you imagine a scenario where you allowed yourself to make mistakes or fall short of your own expectations, and it was okay?

• What would it feel like to approach tasks or challenges with a mindset of growth and learning rather than perfection?

One of the most important things to remember is that loosening our expectations doesn't mean we are giving up on ourselves or settling for less than we deserve. It simply means that we are letting go of the pressure to be perfect and embracing a more balanced and sustainable approach to achieving our goals.

In fact, by loosening our expectations, we may find that we are able to achieve more than we ever thought possible.

When we approach our goals with a sense of flexibility and openness, we are more likely to stay motivated and engaged, and we may even discover new opportunities and possibilities that we hadn't considered before.

Ultimately, the key to mental well-being is to find a balance between striving for excellence and being kind to ourselves. By loosening our expectations and letting go of the need for things to be perfect, we can find that balance and enjoy a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

Reframing thoughts about high expectation

It's important to recognise that the expectations we place on ourselves often come from a place of internal pressure, and very often these are driven by our past experiences or the influence of others in our lives.

But what if we could approach these expectations with compassion and kindness, as we would for a trusted friend or family member?

One way to do this is by reframing our thoughts and considering the expectations from a different perspective. If we were advising someone else on how to meet these expectations, what would we say to them? By applying this same advice to ourselves, we can begin to see the expectations in a more realistic and balanced way.

It's also important to acknowledge that we have a choice in how we approach these expectations. We don't have to follow the same patterns or beliefs that we've learned in the past. Instead, we can create our own path and choose a way that feels more authentic and aligned with our values and goals.

When we feel overwhelmed by expectations, it can be helpful to ask ourselves whether these expectations will truly matter in the long run.

• Will they have an impact on our lives in five or ten years from now?

  If the answer is no, we can begin to loosen the grip on these expectations and focus on what truly matters to us.

  
  

Ultimately, approaching our expectations with compassion and kindness can help us to find a more balanced and sustainable approach to life.

We can let go of the pressure to be perfect and embrace a more realistic and self-compassionate way of living. By doing so, we can enjoy greater mental well-being, improved relationships, and a more fulfilling life.

Working with our body’s response

When we're faced with high expectations and pressure, it's not uncommon to feel a physical response in our bodies. We might notice our heart rate increasing, our muscles tensing up, or our breathing becoming shallow and rapid.

One way to work with our body's response is by using our breath as an anchor. When we feel overwhelmed or anxious, we can take a few deep breaths and focus on the sensation of the breath moving in and out of our body.

As we breathe in slowly, we can feel our chest expanding and our belly filling with air. As we breathe out, we can feel the air leaving our body and our muscles relax.

By focusing on our breath in this way, we can begin to calm our body's response and reduce feelings of anxiety and stress. This can help us to approach our expectations with a greater sense of calm and clarity, and to make more grounded and thoughtful decisions.

It's important to note that using our breath as an anchor is a simple but powerful technique, and it can take practice to master. If we find ourselves struggling to stay focused on our breath, we can try counting each inhales and exhales, or repeating a calming phrase or mantra to ourselves.

Over time, with practice, we can learn to use our breath as a tool for managing stress and anxiety, and for working with our body's response to high expectations and pressure. By doing so, we can create a more peaceful and grounded experience of life, and find greater joy and fulfilment in the journey of pursuing our goals and dreams.

Using key codes and phrases to help unlock more helpful perspectives

Creating a reframed thought and a corresponding phrase can be a helpful tool for managing our expectations and approaching them with greater ease and flexibility.

For example, we might reframe a thought such as, "I need to be perfect in everything I do" to "I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them."

Once we have a reframed thought in mind, we can create a corresponding phrase or mantra that helps us to remember and embody this new perspective.

Focus on Progress, Not Perfection.

Shift your mindset from striving for perfection to valuing progress and effort. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

This might sound like, "Progress, not perfection" or "I am enough, just as I am."

Using this phrase as a key code can help us to access the wisdom, compassion, and choices that we explored earlier. When we feel ourselves becoming overwhelmed by expectations, we can repeat this phrase to ourselves as a reminder of our new perspective and approach.

By doing so, we can loosen the grip of rigid expectations and allow ourselves to be more flexible and kind to ourselves. This can lead to greater mental well-being, improved relationships, and a more fulfilling life.

The pressure of high expectations can lead to stress, anxiety, and feelings of being overwhelmed, affecting our mental and physical health.

By loosening our expectations, we can create a balance between striving for excellence and being kind to ourselves.

Becoming aware of high expectations, reframing them with kindness, and working with our body's response can help us achieve a more sustainable and realistic approach to life. By letting go of the need for things to be perfect, we can enjoy greater mental well-being, improved relationships, and a more fulfilling life.

Lisa Johnston

CBT & EMDR Therapist

Director My Therapist Online

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