Self Kindness (during COVID)
There's a reason why solitary confinement is considered the harshest form of punishment. In prisons, it is used as a last resort, the final punitive measure that can be administered. Although it is often nice to be alone with our thoughts or have the freedom to do what we want, when we want, few of us can tolerate sustained periods of isolation.
As a species we evolved to exist in communities, to share our lives with others. Our interconnectedness is evident all around us - the friendship groups we form, the clubs or teams we join and of course the closeness we feel to loved ones and family members. So things are understandably difficult for all of us at the moment.
Whether in self-isolation or at home because of the nationwide quarantine measures in place - for all of us, our world has shrunk in recent weeks.
Some will have family members with them, others will be alone. Whatever situation you are in, you will have found yourself thinking about your health. We are all understandably very health-focused at the moment, both our own health and that of her friends and family. Then there is the health of those across the world, people we will never meet, whose lives are reduced to statistics in the daily update of confirmed cases. It's very easy to feel anxious and overwhelmed at this time.
Being in a lockdown can create feelings of disconnect and loneliness. Again as pack animals, this is something that we all find challenging. It's important to remember that as we all isolate we are in fact more connected than ever - how often is it that an entire country experiences the same circumstances?
We are all connected by this experience.
We are connected by the same fears for health, family, finances and employment. Connected by a feeling of powerlessness about the daily life we have taken for granted and which has suddenly changed. But our ability to experience strong emotions is what makes us human.
Despite the isolation, we have seen acts of togetherness and kindness towards others. But it is also important to remember to turn that compassion inwards, towards oneself, particularly when our usual methods of self-care are less available. We can at this time practice and improve our skills of self-compassion.
There is lots of research about the benefits of touch and of skin to skin contact. We know that this is important for newborn babies and we also know how great it feels to give and receive a hug. Skin-to-skin contact releases oxytocin, the chemical associated with feeling soothed and content.
Depending on your situation physical contact with others may not be possible right now, but we can work on a kind touch exercise that you can practice yourself. One simple way that you can do this is to apply hand cream - something we are all in need of at the moment with increased hand-washing and hand sanitiser use. Take time to rub the hand cream in gently and slowly, mindfully connecting with the sensations it generates. Seeing if it's possible as you're doing this to send warm, loving thoughts towards yourself, an acknowledgement that this is a challenging time and you are doing your best.
Take time to really try to cultivate a sense of kindness & understanding.
Practising this for the first time may feel a little strange but it can be a really useful skill to develop.
If generating compassion towards yourself feels hard or if you don't know where to start, try this approach.
Think of a friend, family member or pet, and try to generate a sense of kindness and care towards them. Once you have this sense of kindness try turning it inwards towards yourself. Often it can be easier to work in this way particularly if you have a tendency towards self-criticism. Another technique when anxiety threatens to overwhelm is to take time to connect with the breath, again sending warmth and kindness towards yourself and the distress that you're experiencing.
Remember to be kind about being kind.
If you find these practices difficult it's understandable, but it probably means you would benefit from them. So take time to practice, gently and kindly. These are challenging times for all of us but being open-minded and having the kindness to support ourselves will help.
Being gentle and non-judgemental is always beneficial but it seems doubly important at the moment.
Sarah Kenny
Online CBT Therapist
My Therapist Online