Relationship/ Couples Therapy

The most fundamental task of couples therapy is to provide a safe space for self-reflection and exploring your relationship.

It is important to note that couples therapy can be beneficial for all types of relationships, from romantic partnerships, to parent-child relationships, friendships, and more.

Although the theoretical foundation of the therapist will shape the therapy process, most therapists use a blend of various approaches and techniques to address the presenting problems from different angles. The process may include an exploration of components such as:

Interpersonal interactional patterns
Communication skills with an emphasis upon active listening and clear, direct expression of feelings and needs
Relationship strengths

Individual personalities and individual coping dynamics

Unresolved past issues and emotional wounding

Family of origin dynamics and the impact upon current relational patterns

Conflict resolution skills

The role of the therapist

The role of the therapist is to listen empathically to each partner and to step back and observe the interaction between them. Often, the therapist will identify potentially destructive processes, describe what is seen and offer feedback. The aim is to provide alternatives to repeated patterns that are not useful.

Some practitioners may be more fluid and informal, while others may adopt a more structured approach. The most effective approaches combine the couple’s needs with the unique style and skills of the therapist.

A couples therapist will use a variety of techniques, such as communication skills training, emotion regulation, and problem-solving strategies, to help couples develop healthy and effective ways of relating to each other.

What problems does a couples therapist typicaly help?

Couples therapists may work with couples who are experiencing a wide range of issues, such as communication problems, infidelity, intimacy issues, and conflicts related to parenting, finances, or other areas of their relationship. They may also work with couples who are facing more serious challenges, such as abuse or trauma, or who are considering separation or divorce.

Relationship problems can be complex and multifaceted, and a therapist can work with you to identify the specific issues that are impacting your relationship and develop a plan to address them. Therapy for relationship problems can be individual therapy or couples therapy.

Below are some of the more common reasons people tend to engage in therapy for relationship problems:

Communication problems: Difficulty expressing oneself effectively, or understanding what one's partner is trying to say.
Trust and intimacy issues: Difficulty building trust and intimacy in a relationship, or recovering from a betrayal.
Conflict resolution: Difficulty resolving conflicts, or patterns of avoiding or escalating conflicts.
Infidelity: Dealing with the aftermath of infidelity and rebuilding trust.
Emotional regulation: Difficulty managing emotions and dealing with emotional outbursts or feeling overwhelmed.
Relationship patterns: Difficulty breaking negative patterns that may have developed in a relationship, such as chronic criticism, defensiveness, or emotional distance.
Family problems: Difficulty dealing with family dynamics, or conflicts with in-laws.
Emotional, physical or sexual abuse: Helping to address the impact of abuse and work on healing the trauma.
Jealousy and possessiveness: Helping with jealousy and possessiveness issues.
Loneliness and isolation: Helping to address feelings of isolation and loneliness in a relationship.

What does a relationship / couples therapist do?

A relationship therapist, also known as a couples therapist, is a professional trained to help couples and individuals improve their relationships. They work with couples, individuals, and families to identify the underlying issues that are causing problems in a relationship and develop strategies to address them.

A relationship therapist will typically assess the current state of the relationship and identify the specific issues that need to be addressed. They will then work with the individuals involved to help them understand the dynamics of the relationship and how to improve communication, trust, and intimacy.

Some of the specific things a relationship therapist may do include:

Helping couples to identify and change negative patterns of behaviour
Teaching couples effective communication and problem-solving skills
Helping couples to understand and manage their emotions
Assessing and addressing power imbalances within the relationship
Helping couples to identify and overcome trust issues
Helping couples to identify and overcome intimacy problems
Facilitating forgiveness and healing after infidelity
Helping couples to plan for and navigate major life transitions, such as marriage, parenthood, or retirement

Communication skills, is an important part of relationship therapy. The therapist may encourage the couple to make their expressions and phrasing more constructive and specific. The couple may be requested to use ‘I’ statements, describe behaviour and impact rather than blaming, label emotions, and engage in reflective listening.

Frequently, the process emphasises gaining insight into the ‘something deeper’ that is happening within each person. For example, “why is the individual feeling defensive and what is the root anxiety underlying the defensiveness?”. In facilitating greater insight, the therapist supports individual clarity, engagement, and responsibility.

What types of therapy is best for addressing relationship problems?

The best therapy for relationship problems will depend on the specific issues that are impacting the relationship and the preferences of the individuals involved. It's always best to consult with a qualified therapist or counsellor to determine the most appropriate type of therapy for your unique situation.

Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that can be used to address a wide range of relationship problems, by helping individuals to identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviours that contribute to the problem.

Emotionally Focused therapy (EFT) is another type of therapy that can be effective in addressing relationship problems. EFT is based on attachment theory and focuses on helping couples to improve emotional connection and intimacy in their relationship.

Systemic therapy, also known as family therapy, can be used to address relationship problems within a family system. This type of therapy can help families to identify patterns of behaviour that contribute to the problem and to develop new ways of interacting that can improve relationships.

The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy that focuses on the enhancement of emotional connection and intimacy, the effective management of conflicts, and the creation of shared meaning.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of therapy that helps individuals to focus on the present moment and to accept difficult thoughts and feelings without trying to change them. This can be helpful in couples work by helping individuals to accept their partner's perspective and to understand their own thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in conflict.

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, can also be used in couples work. Mindfulness can help couples to focus on the present moment and to be more aware of their own thoughts and feelings, which can improve communication and emotional regulation.

Narrative therapy is an approach that views people as the experts of their own lives and emphasizes the role of language and storytelling in shaping our understanding of our experiences. It helps couples to reframe their relationship problems as separate from themselves and to create a new narrative of their relationship.

Solution-Focused Brief therapy (SFBT) is a goal-oriented approach that helps couples to identify and work towards solutions, rather than dwelling on problems. It is a short-term approach that helps couples to identify and achieve specific goals.

Couples Therapists at My Therapist Online

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At My Therapist Online, we listen to the problems you are facing and match you with the right therapist for your individual needs. You can meet with them for a free initial consultation to be sure it is a good match before starting your therapy.

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