Living a Fulfilling Life: How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Can Help You Align Your Values and Take Committed Action
What is Act?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of counselling and a branch of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It is an psychological intervention that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies mixed in different ways.
ACT helps people to step out of automatic pilot and notice all of the ‘stuff’ that is getting in the way of living the best version of their life.
It teaches us to observe the thoughts, be curious about them, but allow space to prevent them from being in the driving seat anymore. ACT is a type of therapy which helps people to get better at noticing in order to catch the things that take them away from their valued directions in life, and to make choices that move them towards their valued directions.
You can read more about ACT and find an ACT specialist here.
What are Values?
Values are principles or beliefs that are important to an individual, guiding our decisions and behaviour. They provide a sense of direction and purpose in life, helping us to prioritise what matters most.
Values are crucial in determining the direction we want our lives to head in. They help us to stay focused on what matters most to us, even in the midst of life's challenges and uncertainties.
Values act as our compass, they are what guide the direction we want to head in our lives.
“When we’re living in accordance with our values, we feel a sense of purpose, meaning & fulfilment.
But when we lose touch with our values, we can feel lost, stuck, or unhappy.
That’s why it’s so important to identify our values & use them as a guidepost for our decisions & actions.””
How to identify our values
In order to identify our values, it can help to ask ourselves some fundamental questions…
What do you really care about deep down in your hearts?
What do you want to achieve in life? What kind of person do you want to be?
What strengths and qualities do you want to develop?
What really matters to you, deep in your heart?
What do you want to do with your time on this planet?
What sort of person do you want to be?
What personal strengths or qualities do you want to develop?
Values can be organised into different categories such as work & education, relationships, personal growth & health, and leisure.
Our values might sit somewhere within the below headings;
Work/Education: includes workplace, career, education, skills development, etc.
Relationships: includes your partner, children, parents, relatives, friends, co-workers, and other social contacts.
Personal Growth/Health: may include religion, spirituality, creativity, life skills, meditation, yoga, nature; exercise, nutrition, and/or addressing health risk factors such as smoking, alcohol, drugs or overeating.
Leisure: how you play, relax, stimulate, or enjoy yourself, activities for rest, recreation, fun and creativity.
Let's take a look at what values might look like by using an example.
Case example of Sally’s values.
Sally is a 35-year-old woman who values physical fitness and participates in various sports like tennis, netball, and cycling.
She also places a high value on her family and spends time with them regularly, taking them on trips and making sure to attend important events like her children's school plays and sports games.
In her job as a software engineer, Sally values learning and growth, taking on new projects and continuously educating herself on the latest technologies.
Lastly, Sally values loyalty to her close friends, always being there for them in times of need and making sure to maintain those friendships over the years.
By understanding her values, Sally can prioritise her time and make choices that align with what she truly cares about. For example, she might make sure to schedule regular family time in her busy work schedule, even if it means saying no to other commitments.
She might also prioritise learning opportunities at work and choose to work for companies that offer growth opportunities. Sally's values act as a compass that guides her towards a fulfilling and purposeful life.
Case example of Tim’s values.
Let's take a look at what values might look like by using an example.
Tim is a 30-year-old man who values creativity and expresses it through various artistic hobbies such as painting and writing.
He also values physical fitness and makes sure to engage in regular exercise such as running and weightlifting.
In his job as a marketing manager, Tim values integrity and honesty, always prioritising transparency and fairness in his dealings with clients and colleagues.
Lastly, Tim values kindness and empathy towards others, regularly volunteering at a local community center to help those in need.
By understanding his values, Tim can prioritise his time and make choices that align with what he truly cares about. For example, he might make sure to schedule time for creative pursuits even in the midst of a busy work schedule, as it is important to him.
He might also prioritise ethical considerations in his work and choose to work with companies that align with his values of integrity and fairness. Tim's values act as a compass that guides him towards a fulfilling and purposeful life.
Our values can change
Our values can change throughout our lives, and this is often in response to a variety of factors such as our experiences, interactions with others, exposure to new ideas, and personal growth.
For example, someone who grew up in a conservative family may have held certain values around traditional gender roles and marriage, but as they mature and are exposed to a wider range of perspectives, they may come to value gender equality and LGBTQ+ rights. Similarly, someone who once prioritised financial success and material possessions may come to value meaningful relationships and personal fulfilment more highly as they get older.
Changes in values can also occur due to major life events such as illness, loss, or becoming a parent, which may cause individuals to reevaluate their priorities and perspective on life.
It's important to note that values are not necessarily fixed or set in stone, and that we have the capacity to intentionally shape and evolve our values over time based on our evolving needs and aspirations.
Values exercise - Life Compass
One exercise that can to identify our values is called the "Life Compass" exercise. To do this exercise, I want you to imagine yourself as an old person, looking back on your life. Now answer these questions:
What do you wish you had done more of in your life?
What do you wish you had done less of in your life?
What do you wish you had done differently?
What do you wish you had never done?
What do you wish you had always done?
After reflecting on these questions, the person is asked to identify the themes or values that emerge from their answers. For example, if the person wishes they had spent more time with their family, this might suggest that the value of "family" is important to them. If the person wishes they had pursued their passions more, this might suggest the value of "creativity" or "self-expression".
By identifying these values, we can then use them as a guide for making decisions and taking actions that align with their priorities and goals.
Insights & wisdom from those who have lived and reflected on what is important in life.
There are many studies that focus on positive aspects of living in line with one's values and finding meaning and purpose in life. One such study is the "Authentic Happiness" study conducted by psychologist Martin Seligman and his colleagues. This study explored the factors that contribute to a fulfilling and meaningful life, and identified three main components:
positive emotions
engagement
meaning
The study also emphasised the importance of developing a sense of personal meaning and purpose, as well as cultivating positive emotions and building strong relationships with others.
Another famous study by Bronnie Ware called "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying" reviewed the answers of terminally ill patients. A palliative care nurse asked them about their biggest regrets and what they would have done differently in their lives.
The results of the study have since gained widespread attention and have been cited in numerous articles, books, and talks on the importance of living in line with your values.
When people were asked what they wished they had done more of at the end of their lives, some common answers and themes emerged. These included:
spending more time with loved ones
pursuing their passions and interests
traveling and seeing the world
taking more risks
helping others
living in the present moment rather than worrying about the past or future.
Many people also expressed regret about working too much or not finding more joy and meaning in their lives.
Overall, these answers suggest that people value experiences and relationships more than material possessions and career success when reflecting on their lives at the end.
Putting our energy into values driven action
Simply identifying our values is not enough. It's super important to try to act in line with them and make choices and out our energies into actions that reflect our values in our day-to-day lives. This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) comes in.
ACT focuses on helping individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions, accept them without judgment, and take committed action towards their values. By developing mindfulness skills and acceptance strategies, individuals can become more attuned to their values and take action towards living a life that aligns with those values.
This requires courage and effort, as it may involve making difficult choices and stepping out of one's comfort zone. However, the rewards of living a life in line with one's values are immense, including greater fulfilment, purpose, and overall well-being.
In conclusion, identifying our values is just the first step towards living a fulfilling life. It's essential to take committed action towards our values, and ACT provides a powerful framework to help us do so. By embracing our values and taking action towards them, we can create a life that reflects what truly matters to us, leading to a sense of purpose and fulfilment.
Lisa Johnston
CBT Therapist
Director My Therapist Online
Images from - www.Pexels.com
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