Regaining Emotional Control. The Power of "Pulling the Parachute”.
In moments of intense emotion, it can feel as though we're in free fall, our feelings a whirlwind that threatens to spiral. This feeling is akin to a skydiver hurtling towards the ground, with their threat system taking over, driving them towards potentially harmful and unhelpful behaviours.
In psychology, especially within the frameworks of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the metaphor of "pulling the parachute" is employed to illustrate the activation of our soothing system. This metaphor describes the techniques that assist us in regulating our emotions, effectively slowing our emotional descent, and facilitating a gentle landing into a calmer state. These therapies encourage us to engage in strategies that help stabilise and bring peace to our emotional experiences.
From a place of calm, our cognitive functions are restored to their full capacity, enabling us to think more clearly and make decisions that align with our long-term objectives and personal values.
This alignment is important, not just for emotional relief, but also for fostering long-term well-being and fulfilment.
By effectively managing our emotional responses, we enhance our ability to engage in meaningful activities, cultivate healthier relationships, and maintain a balanced outlook on life’s challenges.
The metaphorical act of 'pulling the parachute' does more than just slow down our threat system; it empowers us to move in the directions we aspire to and embody the qualities of the person we aim to be. This approach therefore not only provides relief from emotional turbulence but also guides us on a path toward a fulfilling.
Understanding the Threat System. The Physical and Emotional Impact
The threat system, deeply embedded in our brain's architecture, is a relic of our evolutionary past, originally designed to protect us from predators and immediate dangers. This system is primarily governed by the amygdala, a part of the brain that detects fear and prepares the body to respond to danger. The physical and emotional responses triggered by this system can be intense and all-consuming.
Reflecting on Personal Experiences
Take a moment to think about the last time you felt highly emotional. Where did you feel it in your body? Most people report sensations in their chest area, like a racing heart or tightness. Others might notice tension in the jaw, shaking or tenseness in the limbs, or a heavy or nauseous feeling in the stomach. These bodily sensations are direct manifestations of the threat system at work.
Physical Responses of the Threat System
When the threat system is activated, it engages the body's sympathetic nervous system, which initiates the "fight, flight, freeze or flop" survival response. Here’s what happens in the body:
Increased Heart Rate and Blood Pressure - To prepare for rapid physical action, the heart pumps faster, increasing blood pressure to ensure that muscles receive more oxygen and nutrients.
Rapid Breathing - Breathing becomes quicker and shallower to increase oxygen intake. This is crucial for muscle performance and alertness but can lead to feelings of panic or breathlessness when there is no real physical threat to address.
Muscle Tension - Muscles tense up, priming the body either to spring into action or to protect itself from injury. This tension can manifest as shaking, feeling jittery, or stiffness, particularly in the back and neck.
Dilation of Pupils - Pupils dilate to let in more light and broaden the field of vision to better spot potential threats.
Diversion of Blood Flow from Non-Essential Functions - Digestion slows down as blood is redirected from the gastrointestinal tract to the muscles and limbs, which can cause stomach discomfort or a sensation of butterflies in the stomach.
Release of Stress Hormones - Hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood the system, heightening states of vigilance and readiness. While beneficial in true emergencies, prolonged exposure to these hormones can lead to chronic stress symptoms.
Cognitive Impairment - One significant effect of the threat system's activation is a temporary impairment in cognitive functions. The brain prioritises immediate survival over complex thought processes, leading to a sensation often described as feeling 'fuzzy' or having difficulty 'thinking straight.' This is because resources are diverted away from the prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for higher executive functions like planning, decision-making, and moderating social behaviour. This diversion can significantly hamper our ability to process information and make rational decisions.
Emotional Responses
Emotionally, the activation of the threat system can lead to:
Anxiety and Fear - These are the primary emotions driven by the threat system. They can escalate quickly and disproportionately, especially when the fear is not related to a direct, tangible danger.
Irritability and Anger - These emotions can also surface when the threat system is activated, as the body prepares to confront what it perceives as a threat.
Overwhelm and Confusion - With heightened physical responses, cognitive functions can be compromised. This can lead to difficulty thinking clearly, making decisions, or focusing on tasks.
Pulling the Parachute - Strategies to Manage the Threat System
To counteract these intense responses, "pulling the parachute" involves employing specific strategies that help to calm the physical symptoms and manage the emotional turmoil. These strategies are helpful not just for returning to a state of calm but for preventing the escalation of responses that might be inappropriate or disproportionate to the actual situation at hand. Techniques such as deep, rhythmic breathing, grounding exercises, and mindfulness are effective ways to deactivate the acute phase of the threat response, helping individuals to regain control over their emotions and reactions.
Strategies for Pulling the Parachute of emotional regulation.
While this article highlights several powerful emotional regulation strategies, please be aware that there are many more not covered here. These selected methods are an excellent starting point, and I provide more detailed explanations further in the text. If you find you need further assistance in mastering these skills, My Therapist Online can connect you with a therapist who specialises in these techniques. It's worth noting that many of us were never taught effective emotional regulation skills. Acquiring these skills is invaluable not only for managing current challenges but also for equipping you with lifelong tools.
Validation of Experience - Recognising and acknowledging one's emotional experience without criticism is vital. Validation confirms that our feelings are real and acceptable, which is crucial for emotional regulation. It helps in grounding oneself in the reality of the situation, easing the emotional turmoil.
Soothing Rhythm Breathing (CFT Strategies) - Compassion-focused therapy emphasises the importance of soothing rhythm breathing to help calm the body's physiological response to stress. This technique involves breathing deeply and rhythmically, which can reduce the heart rate and signal safety to the brain, helping to deactivate the threat response.
I have added a step-by-step guide below, for you to practice soothing Rhythm breathing.
Compassion - Cultivating compassion towards oneself and others can serve as a powerful parachute in emotional free fall. By acknowledging and accepting our feelings with kindness, rather than judgment, we create a psychological space that fosters emotional healing and resilience.
Physical Movement - Simple actions like walking, stretching, or yoga can help dissipate the physical energy generated by the threat system. Physical movement not only diverts attention from distressing emotions but also stimulates the production of endorphins, enhancing our mood and providing a natural calming effect.
Moving to a Place of “Noticer” (ACT Strategies) - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy teaches us to become the 'noticer' of our thoughts and feelings without getting entangled in them. This shift in perspective enables us to observe our experiences from a safe distance, reducing their intensity and allowing for clearer decision-making.
Attention Training and Grounding Techniques - Training our attention to focus on the present moment can significantly impact our emotional state. Techniques such as mindfulness meditation, focusing on sensory experiences (like touch, sight, or sound), or engaging in grounding exercises (like naming objects around you) can help pull back from the emotional edge and regain composure.
How friends and family can help.
Friends and family can play an important role in helping a person to pull the "emotional regulation parachute" during times when they might not even realise they are in a freefall.
Emotional spirals can happen swiftly and without warning, making it important for friends and family to approach the situation with gentle observance and compassionate support. For instance, saying, "I've noticed you seem stressed," opens up a non-critical space for conversation. It's beneficial to suggest joint calming strategies, such as, "I wonder if you might benefit from taking a pause and a breath to slow your threat system down a bit. Shall we do that together?" This inclusive approach not only provides immediate support but also models positive coping mechanisms.
Importantly, before engaging in support, it's also important for helpers to assess their own emotional state. Ensuring that you are calm and collected, much like securing your oxygen mask before assisting others, is essential. This self-check ensures that you are best positioned to effectively aid your loved one without escalating your own stress responses. By maintaining this mindful approach, friends and family can provide a crucial safety net that encourages and fosters emotional resilience in a nurturing way.
Need help to emotionally regulate?
If you struggle to manage your emotions and you are interested in getting professional advice to enhance your emotional regulation skills and explore these strategies in a more intensive and personalised manner, My Therapist Online is here to help you.
We are experts at connecting you with a perfectly matched therapist tailored to your unique needs.
Our highly skilled and experienced therapists utilise evidence-based, scientifically backed strategies to guide you effectively towards emotional wellbeing.
Soothing Rhythm Breathing Exercise
Soothing Rhythm Breathing is a simple yet powerful exercise from Compassion-Focused Therapy designed to help calm the body’s physiological response to stress. By engaging in this practice, you can help reduce your heart rate and signal your brain that you are in a safe environment, thus deactivating the threat response. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you practice Soothing Rhythm Breathing.
Step-by-Step Soothing Rhythm Breathing Exercise
Find a Comfortable Position - Sit in a comfortable chair with your back straight but not stiff. Allow your feet to rest flat on the floor and your hands to rest gently on your lap. If you prefer, you can also lie down.
Close Your Eyes - Gently close your eyes, or if you prefer, lower your gaze. This helps to reduce external visual distractions and allows you to focus more on your breathing and internal state.
Focus on Your Breath - Take a moment to notice your natural breathing pattern without trying to change it. Feel the air entering and leaving your nostrils or your chest rising and falling.
Begin Deep Breathing - Slowly inhale through your nose, counting to four. Feel your stomach expand as you breathe in, rather than your chest. Hold your breath for a count of one.
Exhale Slowly - Exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to six. Try to make your exhale longer than your inhale. This longer exhale is key to promoting relaxation.
Repeat - Continue this pattern of inhaling through your nose for four counts, holding for one count, and exhaling through your mouth for six counts. Repeat this cycle for several minutes.
Notice Your Body - As you become more relaxed, pay attention to any areas of your body that are releasing tension. Observe how your heart rate slows and your muscles relax.
Gradually Return - After practicing this breathing exercise for a few minutes (around 5-10 minutes), gently open your eyes or lift your gaze. Take a moment to notice how you feel more relaxed and centred.
Practice Regularly - Integrating soothing rhythm breathing into your daily routine can significantly improve your ability to manage stress and calm your physiological responses to perceived threats.
This exercise can be particularly effective before stressful events, after encounters that have triggered a strong emotional response, or as a regular practice to maintain a calm and centred state throughout the day.
Expanding Compassion to Soothe the Threat System
Compassion is a vital component of emotional regulation, especially when our threat system is activated by stress, fear, or anxiety. Cultivating compassion towards ourselves and others not only serves as a "parachute" during emotional free falls but also builds a foundation of psychological resilience. Here’s how you can integrate compassionate thinking into your daily routine to calm your threat system and foster emotional healing.
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you'd offer to a good friend when they suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.
Practicing Compassion Through Affirmative Statements
Integrating compassionate self-talk into your daily life can help soothe the threat system by reassuring the brain that the environment is safe and supportive. Here are some compassionate statements you can use to foster self-kindness and emotional resilience.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
"It’s completely okay to feel this way. Many people feel this when they’re stressed or overwhelmed."
Comfort yourself
"I am going through a tough time, but I’m doing my best, and that’s all I can ask of myself."
"I give myself permission to feel this and know that I am not alone in this struggle."
Encourage Patience and Understanding
"I will treat myself with patience and kindness. Healing and growth take time, and that’s okay."
"Everyone experiences moments of doubt and fear, but these feelings don’t define my entire being."
Practice Mindfulness
"I can take a moment to step back and observe my thoughts and feelings without judgment. This perspective helps me gain clarity and peace."
Validate and Empathise
"It makes sense I’d feel this way given what I’m going through, but I have the strength to manage these feelings."
Attention Training and Grounding Techniques
Focusing our attention on the present moment can significantly improve our emotional state. Practices such as mindfulness meditation, concentrating on sensory experiences (such as touch, sight, or sound), or engaging in grounding exercises, can help us pull back from emotional extremes and restore balance. These techniques serve an important role in creating a pause between opting for a threat-driven response (such as internal mental debates or compulsive checks) and choosing a non-threat-driven response, allowing us to treat the situation as a manageable worry and helping to diffuse intense emotions and urges.
Threat system responses can be likened to waves in their nature. The feelings naturally rise and eventually diminish on their own. Just as waves crest and fall, our physiological responses to perceived threats—such as increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and heightened senses—will also subside over time. Understanding this can help reduce the anxiety about these responses being permanent or unmanageable.
To aid the natural ebbing of these threat responses, shifting our focus to the present moment and the world around us is incredibly beneficial.
By directing our attention outward, we effectively move away from the internal sensations of fight or flight and the mental debates that can amplify our distress. This external focus can be achieved through various means, such as engaging in mindfulness practices, concentrating on sensory experiences like the sounds in the environment or the texture of an object, or using grounding techniques like noting specific details in our immediate surroundings.
This shift is crucial because it prevents our attention from fixating on our internal threat signals, which can inadvertently sustain or increase our anxious state. By moving our focus to the here and now, we encourage our mind and body to return to a state of balance more swiftly. This practice of redirecting our attention not only helps in managing the intensity of the threat response as it occurs but also trains our brain to become more adept at entering a calm state, which is essential for long-term emotional regulation and well-being.
Attention training exercise.
Attention training is akin to exercising at a psychological gym to strengthen your 'attention muscles.' This training helps us become more adept at shifting our focus from internal concerns to the external world. Regular practice can lead to significantly positive outcomes.
Here’s how you can practice this technique:
Begin with a few slow, deep breaths to center yourself.
Focus on five distinct things you can see. Pay attention to each item’s colour, shape, or texture without judgment. Label each one and give it your full attention.
Move on to four different sounds, three textures you can feel, two scents, and one taste. Take your time to experience each sensation fully.
Try to become aware of all these sensations simultaneously for a few minutes, immersing yourself in the external world.
If your attention drifts back to internal thoughts or feelings, simply acknowledge this and gently redirect your focus outward.
After completing these steps, allow yourself to become thoroughly absorbed in the external environment before shifting your attention to an activity that aligns with your values, helping to ground your experience in meaning and purpose.
By metaphorically "pulling the parachute," individuals can activate these strategies to slow their emotional descent and guide themselves safely back to a place of calm. Each technique provides a way to manage the threat system effectively, ensuring that emotions do not overwhelm us but instead become a manageable and informative part of our lives.
At My Therapist Online, our experts in CBT, CFT, and ACT are ready to help you learn how to effectively "pull your parachute" in times of emotional free fall. Understanding and implementing these strategies can significantly enhance your emotional resilience and well-being.
Lisa Johnston
My Therapist Online Clinical Director
Photos used in article - all from Pexels.com
