Perfectionism: How It Can Be Both Beneficial and Harmful
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On one side, it can push us to strive for greatness, propelling us forward to reach our goals and organise our lives. However, on the other side it can drain us emotionally and become destructive.
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it’s a shield. Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight.” ”
When perfectionism is taken too far, it can lead to stress, dissatisfaction, and the inability to find pleasure in anything but flawless achievements.
Some perfectionistic traits can drive a person forwards and may be part of their motivation to reach our personal goals and achieve them. Some people, however, with too many perfectionistic traits may find they are rarely able to meet their own expectations. The stress of trying to achieve unfair or unrealistic, and ever-increasing goals remove all pleasure, and sense of achievement and replaces it with high levels of stress and dissatisfaction.
What are the different types of perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a personality style that manifests itself in a number of different traits. Some of the main types of perfectionism are listed below:
self-oriented perfectionism (requiring perfection from the self)
socially prescribed perfectionism (the belief that others require perfection from the self)
other-oriented perfectionism (requiring perfection from others)
personal standards (setting unattainable standards)
concern over mistakes and doubts about actions
The traits of perfectionism that cause problems.
In therapy I often see links between perfectionism and traits of procrastination, self doubt, rumination (analysing situations to the point of high distress), fear of failure and fixed mind-set (closed thinking). I often hear statements along the lines of, “if its is not perfect, it is a failure”.
To start to identify which type of perfectionism influences you most, it would help to keep a note of the types of thoughts that come to mind relating to your views on achievement, goals and effort.
Do you feel you are constantly striving to meet the goals you have set for yourself and trying to avoid failure at all costs? This may well be self-oriented perfectionism, where you have set unattainably high expectations for yourself.
Do you create unrealistic standards for those around you? This is other-orientated perfectionism, where you judge others against your own high expectations.
Do you struggle to meet others’ expectations of yourself? Do you think others are evaluating you critically? This is socially prescribed perfectionism, where people believe others are judging them against unrealistic expectations.
Perfectionism and social media
The impact of social media on the striving for perfection has been a widely researched topic in psychology, with many studies showing that social media can contribute to an increase in perfectionistic tendencies.
Social media platforms often present an idealised version of life, with users presenting carefully curated images of themselves and their lifestyles. This can create a pressure to conform to an unrealistic standard of perfection, leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety when one is unable to meet these standards.
Additionally, the constant comparison to others on social media can lead to an increase in social comparison, which is associated with increased perfectionism.
Social media can also contribute to a fear of missing out (FOMO), as we are exposed to a constant stream of updates on what others are doing, leading to a sense of pressure to constantly be doing more and achieving more.
Overall, the impact of social media on the striving for perfection is complex and multifaceted, but it is clear that social media can contribute to an increase in perfectionistic tendencies, which can have negative consequences for mental health and well-being.
How do we address this aspect of perfectionistic triggering tendancies?
Managing the problems associated with social media and striving for perfection can be challenging, but there are several strategies that can be helpful.
One approach is to practice self-compassion, which involves being kind to oneself and recognising that imperfection is a natural part of the human experience. This can involve reframing negative self-talk and challenging perfectionistic thoughts.
Another strategy is to limit social media use and be mindful of the content consumed. Practicing gratitude and focusing on the positive aspects of one's life can also help shift the focus away from perfectionism. Try keep ones core value as our motivator and where we choose to place our energies.
Seeking support from a therapist can be helpful in addressing underlying issues related to perfectionism and developing coping strategies.
““Perfectionism is simply putting a limit on your future. When you have an idea of perfect in your mind, you open the door to constantly comparing what you have now with what you want. That type of comparison can be self-destructive.” ”
Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore feelings of anxiety, depression, and inadequacy that may be contributing to perfectionistic tendencies.
Ultimately, managing the impact of social media on the striving for perfection requires a holistic approach that involves developing self-awareness, cultivating self-compassion, and seeking support when needed.
Starting to challenge & address perfectionistic traits
Knowing which type of perfectionistic traits commonly show up for you, can be helpful to bring into your therapy session. Looking at the impact that these traits has on aspects of your life, such as your productivity, social skills and achievement of goals, are all helpful insights.
The research into the best treatment for perfectionism continues to grow. Dr Mary Dickinson, who wrote a superb paper on managing perfectionism, observed how high-achieving students also found negative aspects of perfectionism highly challenging, this included high anxiety, stress and loneliness.
Evidence based therapy - A therapist trained in the most evidence-based practices (see below) for overcoming the challenges of perfectionistic traits will focus on helping you to develop increased resilience and coping strategies to manage when things do not go perfectly while keeping motivation.
Role of values - Knowing what our personal values are can help to know what truly motivates us in life. Clearly defined values will help to move away from striving for perfection in all areas and decide the striving for perfection is worth your energy. As well as learning when ‘good enough’ will do.
Prioritise - Ordering our priorities to align with our values and goals means we free ourselves from the pressure to get recognition from others for things that don’t actually impact your values and goals.
What is the best treatment for overcoming perfectionistic traits?
Fortunately, there are several evidence-based treatments that can help individuals manage their perfectionistic tendencies and improve their overall well-being.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a popular treatment that focuses on identifying and challenging negative thinking patterns and behaviours associated with perfectionism.
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) is another effective treatment that combines mindfulness practices with CBT techniques.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a third treatment that focuses on accepting difficult thoughts and emotions, rather than trying to avoid or suppress them.
Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) is based on the idea that compassion and self-compassion are key components of psychological well-being, and that individuals who struggle with perfectionism often have difficulty showing compassion to themselves. CFT can help individuals develop a more compassionate stance towards themselves and their imperfections, which can be helpful in reducing the negative impact of perfectionism on mental health.
Finally, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) can be helpful for people with perfectionistic tendencies who struggle with interpersonal relationships or emotional dis-regulation.
Addressing these traits doesn't have to be an uphill battle. The evidence-based treatments described above can help manage perfectionistic tendencies and improve overall well-being.
Developing resilience, coping strategies, and identifying personal values can also help move away from striving for perfection in all areas of life.
By learning when "good enough" is good enough and prioritising values and goals, we can free ourselves from the pressure to gain recognition from others for things that don't align with our values.
So let's strive for progress, not perfection, and start living a happier, more fulfilling life.
Lisa Johnston
Director of My Therapist Online
CBT & EMDR Therapist
Imaged used in the blog are from Pexels.com
