The Challenges of 'Sandwich Carers' and the Importance of Self-Care
Are you spending more time caring for both ageing parents and young children?
The Challenges of 'Sandwich Carers' and the Importance of Self-Care
This article invites you to pause and reflect on the unique responsibilities and challenges faced by sandwich carers; those who provide care for both younger and older generations.
Balancing the needs of ageing parents and young children can often leave little room to focus on yourself. But here’s an important truth: your well-being is just as vital as the care you provide to others.
This article hopes to create a space for you to pause, pour yourself a warm drink, take a few deep breaths, consider how this role impacts your mental and physical health, and explore practical ways to nurture yourself amidst the demands of caregiving.
Self-care is not selfish; it’s the foundation for showing up as your best self for those who depend on you.
Caring for both ageing parents and young children is a significant responsibility that has given rise to the term ‘sandwich carers.’ While this role often stems from love and dedication, it can bring immense physical, emotional, and mental strain. The demands of juggling multiple generations, personal obligations, and professional responsibilities create unique challenges, leaving little space for your own needs.
The Challenges of Being a ‘Sandwich Carer’.
Studies show that sandwich carers can often spend more than 20 hours per week on caregiving tasks. This can take a toll on their mental health and overall well-being. Some common challenges include:
Burnout: Constantly juggling responsibilities without sufficient rest can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion.
Emotional Strain: Supporting a parent’s decline while raising children can evoke feelings of guilt, sadness, and anxiety.
Financial Pressure: Managing the financial needs of two generations often adds significant stress.
Social Isolation: Limited time for social interactions can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
Health Issues: Neglecting exercise, sleep, and nutrition can result in physical health challenges over time.
The Importance of Self-Care for Sandwich Carers
Self-care is not indulgent—it’s a cornerstone of effective caregiving.
Taking care of yourself enables you to care for others more sustainably and compassionately. Benefits of self-care include:
Greater emotional resilience and reduced stress.
Improved physical health and energy levels.
Strengthened relationships through greater patience and emotional availability.
A renewed sense of balance and personal fulfilment.
Ways to Prioritise Self-Care
Delegate Tasks: You don’t have to do everything alone. Engage family, friends, or professional caregivers to share the workload.
Set Boundaries: Respect your own limits by saying no to tasks that stretch you too thin. Prioritise activities that align with your capacity and well-being.
Schedule In Regular Breaks: Even a brief pause can help reset your mind. Whether it’s enjoying a walk, reading, or pursuing a hobby, small moments of joy make a difference.
Seek Professional Support: Therapists trained in CBT or Compassion-Focused Therapy can provide tools to manage stress and build emotional resilience. Support groups can also offer understanding and camaraderie.
Meet with an Expert Therapist: Connect with a therapist experienced in working with children, adolescents, and/or older adults. They can help you develop practical tools and coping strategies to navigate the unique challenges of this split caregiving role.
Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation: Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga can help ease anxiety and promote mental clarity.
Prioritise Physical Health: Make time for regular exercise, eat nutritious meals, and ensure you’re getting enough sleep.
Leverage Technology: Use caregiving apps for scheduling, medication reminders, or connecting with healthcare providers. These can help streamline your responsibilities.
Organisations like Age UK (link here), a leading authority and fountain of knowledge on caring for older people, offer invaluable resources, guidance, and support to help navigate these responsibilities.
Building a Support Network
Having a strong support network is not just helpful—it’s essential.
Ideally I recommend you find a network (and it doesn’t need to be a big network) of people who understand or empathise with your role, whether through their own caregiving experiences or a genuine insight into your responsibilities. These connections can provide a safe space to vent, share advice, or simply feel seen and supported. Knowing that others understand your challenges can reduce feelings of isolation and build a sense of community, even in difficult times.
Support networks can also extend beyond personal relationships to include professional and community resources. Whether it’s a friend stepping in to help with a specific task, a support group offering camaraderie, or a therapist guiding you through emotional challenges, each element of your network plays a role in lightening your caregiving burden.
By fostering connections with people who really understand your journey, you can gain practical assistance and emotional resilience, making your caregiving responsibilities more manageable and sustainable.
With this in mind, here are some avenues to consider as you build your support system:
Family and Friends: Don’t hesitate to ask loved ones for help. Often, they’re eager but unsure how to contribute until asked.
Community Resources: Explore local caregiving services, respite care, and support groups tailored to your needs.
Professional Services: Home health aides, meal delivery programs, and transportation assistance can save you valuable time and energy.
Therapy as a Resource: Therapy can be an invaluable tool for sandwich carers. Engaging with a therapist can provide you with a dedicated space to focus on your own needs, away from the demands of caregiving. Through therapy, you can develop essential skills such as emotional regulation, compassionate self-reflection, and stress management. These skills not only help in navigating the complex emotions associated with caregiving but also enhance your ability to respond to challenges with resilience and calm.
Building compassion into your internal dialogue and how it can help you.
Compassionate statements are more than just words—they are tools that can help you foster a healthier and more supportive relationship with yourself. When you integrate compassion into your internal dialogue, you counteract self-criticism and create a space for understanding, acceptance, and growth. This practice is particularly important for carers, as the constant demands of caregiving can make it easy to neglect your own emotional needs or feel overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations.
Here’s how building compassion into your internal dialogue can help:
1. Reduces Self-Criticism and Guilt
Caregivers often feel guilt for not doing enough, even when they’re going above and beyond. Compassionate self-talk—such as reminding yourself, "You are doing the best you can"—helps reduce feelings of inadequacy and self-judgment.
2. Supports Emotional Regulation
Compassionate statements act as anchors during moments of stress or overwhelm. By reminding yourself, "It’s okay to feel tired; you’re human," you validate your emotions rather than suppressing or fighting them, which can help you regain emotional balance more quickly.
3. Encourages Rest and Self-Care
Self-care is vital, yet carers often feel it’s indulgent or selfish. Reframing this belief with statements like, "Caring for myself is an essential part of caring for others," allows you to see self-care as a necessity rather than a luxury, making it easier to prioritise your own well-being.
4. Builds Resilience
Compassionate self-talk strengthens your resilience by reminding you of your strengths and encouraging self-acceptance during challenging times. For example, "You don’t have to be perfect; showing up with love is enough," can help you stay motivated and kind to yourself.
5. Promotes Problem-Solving and Adaptability
When you’re kinder to yourself, you’re more likely to approach challenges with a clear mind and problem-solving mindset. Statements like, "I can’t do everything, and that’s okay," help you focus on what’s manageable and encourage you to seek support when needed.
6. Enhances Well-Being and Prevents Burnout
Developing a compassionate internal dialogue can reduce stress and increase overall well-being. For example, affirmations like, "You deserve the same care and compassion you give to others," helps you replenish your emotional reserves, making it easier to sustain your caregiving role without burning out.
Practical Tips for Building Compassion into Your Dialogue
Pause and Reflect: When self-critical thoughts arise, pause and ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
Use Affirmations: Write down compassionate statements and place them somewhere visible as reminders.
Have a look at the list below. I have provided some examples of compassionate statements, feel free to cut and paste those that resonate with you and pop them into a note in your phone, or better still write them out long-hand, for you to read back yourself when you most need them.
Practice Self-Compassion Exercises: Techniques like self-compassion journaling or mindfulness meditations can help reinforce kinder thinking patterns.
Seek Therapy: A CFT trained therapist can guide you in developing a compassionate mindset and addressing underlying self-critical beliefs.
Reading Tip - You can read more about Compassion Focused Therapy and its astounding benefits here. This link includes a list of CFT therapists and further recommended reading.
Compassionate statements for Sandwich Carer’s
Here’s a list of compassionate and affirming statements that may resonate with carers of both older and younger generations:
"It’s okay to prioritise my needs—caring for myself is an essential part of caring for others."
"I am doing the best I can in a very challenging situation, and that is enough."
"It’s not selfish for me to take breaks; it’s necessary for my well-being."
"Asking for help doesn’t mean I’m failing; it shows strength and self-awareness."
"My feelings are valid, whether they are of joy, frustration, exhaustion, or love. I will honour them."
"I can’t do everything, and that’s okay—no one can."
"It’s important to acknowledge the incredible work I’m doing, even if it feels unnoticed."
"Small steps toward self-care can make a big difference for me over time."
"I deserve the same care and compassion I give to others."
"Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean letting go of love or care—it means being human."
"I am not alone. Support is available, and reaching out is a sign of courage."
"I am allowed to set boundaries to protect my mental and physical health."
"Being kind to myself is one of the best ways to recharge my energy for caregiving."
"It’s okay for me to grieve the challenges of caregiving while still finding moments of gratitude and joy."
"My role is important, but it doesn’t define my entire identity—I am so much more."
At My Therapist Online, we specialise in connecting you with a therapist who truly understands the unique role and responsibilities you carry.
Our therapists are trained to guide you through the complexities of caregiving, providing expert support to help you manage stress, maintain balance, and prioritise your well-being. With compassionate guidance, you can learn how to fulfil your caregiving duties without placing undue strain on your mental and physical health. Therapy is not just a space to be heard—it’s a resource for building the tools you need to thrive.
Final Thoughts
Being a sandwich carer comes with significant responsibilities, but it also highlights your incredible strength and capacity for love. Remember however, you cannot pour from an empty cup—prioritising your own well-being is essential. Taking care of yourself enables you to provide the care and support your loved ones need without sacrificing your own mental, emotional, and physical health.
Or, as the flight attendants always remind us: "Put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. This simple yet profound advice highlights the necessity of taking care of yourself first, so you have the strength and capacity to care for others. It’s a powerful metaphor for self-compassion and balance, especially relevant for those in caregiving roles.
Compassionate self-care is a journey, not a destination. Even small, intentional changes—like seeking help, building a support network, or simply allowing yourself moments of rest—can create a ripple effect, improving not just your life but also the lives of those you care for.
You are not alone in this journey, and support is always available to help you navigate the challenges and celebrate the victories, however small they may seem.
At the heart of it all, remember that seeking help—whether from friends, community resources, or a trusted therapist—is a sign of strength and commitment to yourself and your loved ones.
By prioritising balance and resilience, you’re creating a foundation that will allow you to thrive, even in the most challenging moments. You are doing an incredible job, and taking care of yourself is one of the best gifts you can give to those who depend on you.
With care and compassion,
Lisa Johnston
BABCP Accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and EMDR Therapist
Clinical Director | My Therapist Online